Nostalgia

I got nostalgic today. I had an appointment with my old doctor and I met up with my old flatmate for coffee, which involved me getting the bus into Edinburgh from my parents' house, walking from Princes Street to the area where I used to live, visiting my old flat to pick up some post and finally driving past the school where I used to teach on the way home.

I noticed several things about Edinburgh.

I noticed the gentleness of the rolling hills outside it, so different from the harsh outlines of the Alps.

I noticed the sense of calm. Even in Princes Street in the middle of the sales, people said sorry when they bumped into you and nobody tried to run you over if you dared to attempt to cross the road.

I noticed the sense of history. Italy has a fascinating history too, but even strolling in Rome or sitting in the arena in Verona, it's never seemed so palpable to me. Edinburgh's history is my history and I learned it on the spot, being led down the Royal Mile by teachers in a time so distant it might as well be history itself.

And I noticed how beautiful the city is, as the sun sets and darkness falls over the trees, the spires and the hills. It brought back so many memories of a time when I felt very settled in a city that was truly home.

And, in fact, I never really meant to leave. I moved to Milan partly because of my seemingly inplacable language learning, foreign culture experiencing itch and partly because so many elements of my settled Edinburgh life either came to a natural end or came crashing down around my ears, depending on whether you want to be melodramatic about it or not.

Now I find myself in the opposite situation, with the itch being at least partially appeased for the time being, looking to the future and wondering what will happen if and when I take that same decision in reverse. The curse of loving foreign things is that you will always leave a little bit of yourself somewhere far away.

What reassured me today was the thought that as well as the people, there is a place that's worth coming home to.